Sarah Livingston Jay to Catharine W. Livingston, 1 December 1780
[Madrid. Decb r . 1 st 1780]
How invaluable, my dear Kitty! is a real friend; had I been ignorant of it–s worth till now, the pleasure I–ve derived from your affectionate attention to our happiness, would have taught ^ me ^ to estimate the blessing in a proper manner. I am at this instant overjoy–d with the rec t . of three charming long letters from you, just handed to me, which added to those I had rec d . before makes 11 that I return you my sincere thanks for: sister susan has wrote me one letter, & one I–ve been favor–d with from M rs . Meredith– 1 not a single line has reach–d us from any of the family at Fishkill– Thus you see how extravagantly kind you have been, & how highly we must value your correspondance.– I willingly flatter myself that even those of my friends who have not time to throw away in writing to me, may yet have no objection to hear th at en & then that I–m still in the land of the living, & therefore have taken the liberty of introducing myself to their recollection by scribbling to them–whether or not my letters have been lost I can–t tell, tho– I almost believe they have since they have not provok–d an answer.– You alone seem sensible of the interest I take in the concerns of my friends, since but for your letters I should remain in ignorance of any alteration that takes place in my absence: some of my friends indeed have experienc–d changes that I much lament; but others again have receiv–d an increase of happiness; among the latter its my joy to find the Chancellor & M rs : Livingston; the pleasure I felt upon hearing of the birth of their little daughter induc–d me to trouble Polly with a letter to tell her that I shar–d her felicity. Notwithstanding Peter–s caveat, I had hopes to engage his affection for a lovely little sister, & yours for a sweet god-child–but alas! my dear Kitty! she is now beyond the regards of either– 2
When I first took up and my pen, I thought I should be unable to quit it, but really so many things crowded upon my mind that one displaces the other– Let me see, I–ll begin with a reference to your last letters & pray my Lady, why was the place you was at, omitted in the date? And why did not you inform me of your retrogade manuvre from Eliz Town? Whether the family still reserve the house at Persipiney or not? And whether my little heroe shar–d in the glory of the retreat? Was you not asham–d to abandon a post that Susan alone had once maintain–d with so much good conduct? 3 but jesting apart– I assure you I suffer–d exceeding ^ on your account ^ till M r . Jay rec d . a letter from M r . Morris, & another from M r . Gerry, 4 in which the safety of the family were mention–d.– The death of our amiable friend M rs . Caldwell 5 affected me beyond description, & even now I can–t think of it without feeling such uneasy emotions that I–m afraid to indulge the recollection.– How chequer–d is life! And how unimportant do our pursuits appear when contrasted with the value & shortness of time! But you–ll think I–m relapsing in my usual moralizing strain, & therefore, as I think we cannot better improve our time than by cultivation of virtuous friendships I shall change the subject by a gradual transition, when I tell you how much the mutual friendship subsisting between my d r . M rs . Morris & you contribute to my happiness; I have written two letters to her to express the satisfaction I–ve receiv–d from that circumstance; but to tell the truth I never yet wrote a letter that pleas–d me, I always wish to describe the sentiments of my heart to my friends, but the letters convey so faint an image of them that I can only trace a distant resemblance– I shall be happy if you tell me you resolve to accept her friendly invitation this fall: 6 and when you write to me continue to mention every thing relative to our friends tho– to you they may appear trivial circumstances. I wish our d r . susan wou–d visit our friends on the banks of Hudson, their society ^ & ^ the change of air wou–d be agreeable & useful to her.–
I long to receive a letter from mamma were it to contain but three lines; methinks I could kiss the name written with her own hand.– Pray give my love to papa– I fear he is less fond of his pen than gratitude to that little instrument of his fame will justify– I repent my not bringing w h me some of his compositions.– As to William, we are all downright angry with him for his invincible silence– When Judy 7 has leisure to recollect that she has more friends than one I shall be obliged to her if she–ll reckon me of the number. Her silence till now I forgive, but if af[ter] my frequent admonitions she still continues in the fault of omission she–ll find absolution not readily obtain–d.–
The betts depending between you & the Chevalier 8 I hope are considerable, s[ince] you are certainly intitled to the stake (I don–t mean a wooden one, but [suc]h as I suppose a [ illegible ] lady like yourself wou–d naturally lay; as a Cap, Fan & c .) for I have ^ not ^ us–d any false colouring, nor have ^ I ^ amused myself with plays or any other diversions on sundays.– If this finds you at Philadelphia please to remember my Comp ts . to the Chevalier, M r . Marbois & the Consul 9
I thank you my dear, for the plan inclosed in y r . letter which the ladies have adopted for the relief of our worthy soldiers– 10 You must know when I perceiv–d the folded paper I immediately fancy–d it contain–d your picture, & should have been much disappointed if it ^ had ^ not been so agreeable & honorable a representation of my lovely country-women. I am quite charmed with them, & indeed with every thing truly American. One piece of advice I–ll whisper in your ear; whatever false notions travellers may endeavor to palm upon you: don–t you ever say that such a Lady is handsome enough to please even at Court; Believe me it requires a greater degree of beauty to be only passable in America, than to out-shine all the grandees of 11 I won–t ^ say ^ where.–
I wou–d not wish to damp the ardor of a youth who has enter–d the service of his country, but I must confess I don–t think Jack will be pleas–d with the region of Neptune: 12 however, he has my best wishes.– My fingers are tir–d of holding the pen, if I recollect any thing more before an opportunity of offers, I–ll resume my pen & begin another sheet, in the mean time believe me most affectionately yours
Sa. Jay
Please to present my most respectful Comp ts . to General & M rs . Washington.–