Robert R. Livingston to John Jay, 4 March 1779
Poughkeepsie 4 th : March 1779
D r : John
Your Letter & one I lately rec d . from Morris have given me pain. 1 They have represented me to myself as negligent of the duties of a man, & a citizen, as buried in indolence, or lost in the pursuit of enervating pleasures– When I consider these charges as coming from those who should, & do, know me better than I do myself, & who see my faults with the eye of freindship, thro– the narrow end of the perspective– I fear that their censures are too well founded. When on the other hand I look back upon my past life & compare my age with the several important stations which I have held, as I hope without discredit, when I reflect upon ^ the ^ weighty business ^ in ^ which I have been engaged, & above all when I consult my own heart; I am ready to cry out with the petulant Marcus.
–Whene–er did Juba, or did Portius, shew an ardour that has thrown me out in the pursuit of virtue–– 2
I persuade myself that, that sensibility which gives me a relish for social & refined enjoyments, makes me feel more keenly those that affect the body of which I am a member, & impel me to labour its preservation, with the same warmth with which, in tranquil hours, I engage in more pleasing toils– Whether I am deficient in political courage, & firmness, you who have seen me in trying situations, alike oppressed by restricted private, & publick evils, are best able to judge.
That I am weary of the little paltry party politicks of this place I confess, but I am not however conscious that I neglect them: tho– as your own experience has taught you, my present situation is by no means adapted for carrying them on to advantage. I will allow you to draw no arguments against me from my last letter. You possess my inmost soul, & it discovers to you disgusts & uneasinesses which it conceals from all the world besides. Nor shall you argue from what I have now written, that I am impatient of censure. I offer you an India painting of myself, it consists of out lines, & contours, –tis yours to finish the picture by a just distribution of shades.– I will promise, rather to trust to your judgment for the likeness, than to my own glass. Thus much for myself; it is well egotizms are allowable between friends.–
Now for a State of our politicks, which go on as usual except that the complection of both houses is daily mending– Yet the old leaven of party still works, tho– less briskly than before. A bill, –for facilitating the impeachment of members of the Council of revision in their Legislative capacity &c a .– (I give you the design I have forgot the title) was put to sleep in Senate after the first reading–other little squibs of a similar ^ nature ^ have been thrown without effect. However several batteries are playing off out of doors, chiefly designed to make a change in the Delegation & for that purpose, as well as some others too long to mention here, instructions have been drawn here & subscribed in Orange & Ulster Counties–one of the complain[t]s is that you are not sufficiently communicative to the Assembly .
Your brother, Sir James, has an unlucky list against Dean, & Frankling, which has produced a motion that may possibly give you trouble if the Assembly sh d . concur in it, 3 which however I have reason to believe they will not. The Assembly have passed a confiscation bill which takes in two hundred & eighty persons by name; the Senate are divided about it, & have made some amendments, which will probably indanger the Law & excite a flame out of doors– Thus you have a summary of our politicks, in return for which I expect some from you upon a more enlarged scale–
You say nothing further upon a subject that you mentioned to me in your first letter. 4 I sh d wish to know whether such an event was probable or remote. Remember me to Morris, & Duane, from whom I am in daily expectation of hearing– Tell the first, to purchase for me a genteel suit of Cloaths, & keep them by him till I send for or fetch them– If I send my measure let him get them made up so as to be ready to try on, without finishing them for fear of mistakes. I have some thoughts of visiting you next month. In the mean time let me hear from you often.– I am D r John, Most sincerely Yours &c a .
R. R. Livingston