Robert R. Livingston to John Jay, 3 February 1779
Poughkeepsie 3 rd Feb y 177[9]
Dear John
The pleasure I felt from your Letter of the 13 th Ult: which I just now rec d : was great in proportion to the pain I experienced from your neglect, and your friendly penitance has disarmed my resentment, & convinced me that there is no impropriety in supposing (at least if Angels resemble men) that there may be –more joy in heaven over one repentant sinner, than over 99 just that need no repentance.– 1 Our Legislature have been convened near three weeks but have not proceeded upon business till within these few days– I shall attend regularly, & endeavour to render them all the little services in my power, not with a view to increase my own interest, or popularity, which I learn every day more & more to despise– From habit & passion I love & pity my fellow creatures, would to god I could esteem– My spirits never flailed while our necessities called for great exertions, or while I was impelled by love for my country to contribute to the establishment of a government which was to be the basis of its future happiness. But I feel myself light in the scale of little party politicks. I can not combat a knave with calumnies, & to manage fools (to which I have some times submitted) disgusts me when it is no longer justified by any important end. I regard the present period as a blank in my time. I can not enjoy the tranquil pleasures of a rural life– I converse with men I cant esteem, And I am engaged in a round of little politicks to which I feel myself superior. A happier hour may come, till when with hope for my companion I will endeavour to jog on.
You ask me whether any considerations w d induce me to vissit another quarter of the globe? Those considerations must be weighty. The character I go in must be respectable, my companion, if I have one, must be so too, And my appointments must be so far equal to my station that I may ^ not ^ break in upon my private fortune: for I have no Idea of being a great man abroad to be a little one all my life after at home. I w d : not have you conclude from this, that I have any eager desire to begin my travels, but merely to leave to you, if any thing of this kind should be proposed to act as you thought best for the interest of the community & your friend. You know my strong & my weak sides well enough to save my modesty the pain of saying how far I might be useful, & my vanity the mortification of hearing in how many more points I am disqualified.
Some folks here have thought it might lessten my popularity to report that I was concerned with Hake in some goods that he brought out from New-York, & he was scoundrel enough to encourage the report, in hopes that it might contribute to save them after they were seized. As this report may have possibly reached you, I enclose you a certificate, which when closely pressed he was compelled to give, & an affidavit of Johns who was concerned with him in the goods. 2 with these you may contradict any calumnies that may have reached you, I declined any publication as I thought it rather beneath the character I have endeavoured to maintain to take any notice of it. You will find by the Gov rs : Letter which accompanies this, 3 that you are continued in the delegation a measure which will I hope be agreeable to you– Remember me to Morris who seems to have forgot me. I am D r . John Aff y : your friend & Hum Serv t .
Rob t R Livingston