Mateer to Mr. Holwill, Che Foo, August 30, 1870

Copy of a private letter from Rev. C. W. Mateer, of Tungchow, to Mr. Holwill, Che Foo.

Dear, Holwill: You will, no doubt, have learned before this reaches you that we are getting scared up in Tungchow. I have not time to write you the particulars. They have been written in full to the American consul. I am still, however, inclined to think that we are worse scared than hurt. I believe there is danger; but I doubt if it is great enough to justify us in leaving. I have expressed my views to the others, but they carry it against me, and of course I must act with the rest. I do not think I am less sensible of the danger than the rest; but I am willing to run greater risks for the sake of the interests that are at stake. I have not yet made up my mind to go with the rest; but, of course, I cannot tell till the time cornels. It is possible that the knowledge of the fact that we are “mobilizing” may develop things that we are not looking for. I hope that the steamer that comes will be prepared to stay at least one day, as it will be impossible for us to settle upon affairs with the mandarins (conveying our houses to them) in less than at least one day. I have never taken a step in my life that goes so against every principle of my nature. It is certainly the greatest trial I ever met with. To know what it costs to leave here one must have lived here for seven years, and labored as I have. I am most disturbed for our school. I fear the disbanding of it will be disastrous. I can only say God’s will be done. It may be wise for us to leave, and it may be a piece of folly. I wish others could have been persuaded to wait for a little more light. Pray for us that we may be guided aright and preserved from all evil.

Yours fraternally,