John Adams to Abigail Adams, December 31, 1798

Philadelphia Decr 31. 1798

My Dearest Friend

I hope you have health enough to bear to share with me some of my
Griefs. I have determined to do a Thing this day, which puts my Phylosophy to a Tryal.
The Lt Gen. and Major Generals have recommened Col Smith to the Command of a Regiment.
This is a Degradation of him to which I would not consent, without his Consent. I have
written to him hoping that he would forbid the nomination. But his Pride is humbled to
that degree that he writes me he will accept. It would give me less Pain to follow him
to the Grave: but I know not but he and his Connections would blame me, if I refused,
and I have concluded to send in the nomination. 1 His situation will be miserable, under the
Command of his former equals and Inferiours. The Prejudices against him are such that I
think it problematical whether the Senate will not again Negative him, and I am sure if
they do it will give me no pain. If he has forfeited his Character for Integrity and
Honor he ought not to have a Regiment: if he has not he deserves a Brigade, and more.—
Happy Washington! happy to be Childless! My Children give me more Pain than all my
Ennemies. If Smith has forfeited his Honor, I wish some kind friend would have given me
the Facts and the Proof.— In such a Case I would not nominate him to be a Lt.— But no
such fact or Proof has been presented to me.

There was not a Line of Recommendation of W. Smith to be Loan
officer of N. Carolina. But if there had been many I could not have nominated him. There
were as many Candidates as for the Treasury of the Mint and these among the most
respectable Natives of the state. 2

I long to hear of Thomas.— Providence has preserved your Family you
say. Ay and in many more and much greater dangers at sea, than you have any Idea of. Why
Should I distrust? I do not. I have been preserved, almost miraculously preserved, I
hope for some good— and not merely to be punished with the Knowledge of the Disgrace of
my Children. My Grand Children I see are destined to be the poorest Objects in the
Community. Partly in Grief and partly in Indignation, I am your ever affectionate

J. A