John Adams to Abigail Adams, August 17, 1782
August 17. 1782
My dearest Friend
The Situation of my dear Brother, at the date of yours 17. June, has allarmed me so much
that I dread to hear any further News of him. An Affection for him has grown old with me as it
commenced very early in Life and has constantly increased. Mr. Smiths Letter of 6 of May 1 did not surprise me so much because I had often
known him in great distress in the Lungs but these disorders are new. The World has scarcely a
worthier Man to loose.
My Friends may think strange that they dont receive Letters from me oftener. I believe they
think I have a great deal of Leisure. I wish I could change Situations with them, and then
they would see what a pretty Thing it is to be an American Minister.
I am not idler than I used to be. My whole Time is spent in necessary and unavoidable
Services. The Silk Machine is not more complicated nor more delicate than the System of
Politicks of the United States. 2 It extends its
Branches into every Court and Country of Europe. In order to know what it is they must come
and see and try the Experiment.—I am weary of it.—I am no more able to maintain all the
Correspondences I have than to remove mountains. I am obliged to sacrifice my Friendships as
well as my other Affections to my Duty. Mr. T [haxter] has been sick this 2 or
3 months, which has made the Burthen heavier for me, indeed too much for my feeble Frame. He
is now pretty well. If I should be obliged to go to Paris or Vienna, to talk about Peace,
another Scaene of Pleasure and Amusement would open upon me, such as I have had a long
succession of. Such Pleasure and Amusement as millions of Perplexities, and millions of Humiliations and Mortifications aford. All of them however have not
yet subdued my proud heart.
I have nothing to do but pray for the abundant Outpowerings 3 of Patience, Patience, Patience.
A good Peace would be a Reward for all. I dont know how it is— I suppose it is my Vanity.
But I was under no Fears of a bad Peace, while I was alone. I was very sure of my own Firmness
or call it Obstinacy, if you will. I had no Jealousies, no Suspicions, no Misgivings. I cannot
say the same now. I have a good Opinion, however, of one of my Colleagues, and wish I could
have of the other. Yet if I had known that Mr. Jefferson would not have come and Mr. Laurens
resigned, I would have refused to share in the new Commission. 4 I shall do the best I can.—Adieu.