Benjamin Rush to John Adams, February 12, 1790

Philadelphia Feb: 12 th 1790.

Dear Sir.

Ever since the last week in Octo r I
have been engaged in composing & delivering a new Course of lectures on the theory
& practice of medicine in the College of this city. 1 This arduous business has employed me so closely
that it has seperated me from my friends,—detatched me from all Other pursuits—and—what
I regret most of all, has deprived me for a while of the pleasure of your
Correspondence.— Altho’ we hold different principles upon some Subjects, yet I cannot
help loving and respecting you. You were my first preceptor in the Science of Goverment.
From you I learned to discover the danger of the Constitution of Pennsylvania, and If I
have had any merit, or guilt in keeping the public mind Awake to its folly, or danger
for 13 years, you alone should have the Credit of the former & be made responsable
for the latter. But my dear Sir I learned further from you, to despise
public opinion when set in competition with the dictates of judgement or Conscience. So
much did I imbibe of this Spirit from you, that during the whole of my political life, I
was always disposed to suspect my integrity, if from any Accident I became popular with
our Citizens for a few weeks or days. The reformation of our State goverment has
completed my last political wish. Hitherto I have never known a defeat, or final
disappointment in any One of them. I ascribe my Successes wholly to my perseverance. I claim this Virtue , Start deletion, publicly , End, boldly, since all my enemies admit of my
possessing it, at the time they deny me every other Virtue or quality of a
politician.—

The experience I have had in public pursuits, has led me to make
many discoveries in the human heart that are not very favourable to it.— I shall leave
some of them upon record by way of beacons to deter my children from engaging in public
life.— One of them will be that “a politician can never suffer from his enemies. ”— The folly—the envy—and the ingratitude of his friends are the principal Sources of his sufferings.

Such is my apathy now to public
Affairs that I often pass whole weeks without reading our newspapers.— I have never Once
been within the doors of our convention, nor have I broken bread with a single member of
the body who compose it. 2 Heaven has been
profuse in its gifts of family blessings to me. My dear M rs Rush is every thing to me that a friend—a companion & a wife should be to any man.
Our children are affectionate—& dutiful,—& promising as to their capacities for
acquiring knowledge.— Nineteen out of twenty of my evenings are spent in their
Society.

I see many , Start deletion, of my friends who began
their political Service with [. . .] , End, men high in power or affluent in
office, who in the year 1776 considered me as One of the firebrands of independance. I
feel the effects in a debilitated Constitution of the midnight Studies which I devoted
for 16 years to my Country— I see nothing before me during the remainder of my life, but
labor and Selfdenial in my profession—and yet I am happy. I envy no man—and blame no
man. O! Virtue—Virtue—who would not follow thee blindfold!— I want nothing but a heart
sufficiently grateful to heaven for the happiness of my family & my Country

I do not reject the modern languages as a part of Academical
education. I have found much more benefit from the French, than I ever found from the
latin or Greek, in my profession. I have found some advantages from a knowledge of the
Italian, & have been entertained by
reading Spanish Books. My partiality to these languages, is one of the reasons of my
having quarelled with the dead languages of Greece & Rome.—

with great regard I continue D r / Sir
yours very affectionately / & sincerely

Benj n: Rush