Abigail Adams to James Lovell, May 10, 1781

[ , Start insertion, Braintree, 10 May 1781 , End, ] 1

Upon opening your favour of April 17 my Heart Beat a double stroke when I found that the
Letter which I supposed had reachd you was the one captured 2 in the room of that you received which was what I had supposed lost,
but I should have been secure from the knowledge of the writer if Mr. Cranchs Letter and one I
wrote at the same time had not accompanied it. 3 The Letter which I would not have chosen should have come to any hand but yours, was in reply
to two of yours and containd some Stricktures upon the conduct of a Friend. 4 Least you should imagine it freer than it really was I enclose
the coppy. I risk no more should it be captured than what the Enemy already have.—The Letter
which occasiond some of the remarks I have not yet seen, tho I find it was published in the
Halifax paper as well as Riveingtons. 5 If what I
have heard with regard to its contents is true, I cannot open my lips in defence of a Friend
whose character I would wish to justify, nor will I secret from him that it suffers
exceedingly even in the Eyes of his Friends from his so long absenting himself from his
family. How well he may satisfy her who is nearest concernd I presume not to say, but if she
possesses that regard for her partner which I presume she does, she must be exceedingly hurt
even by the Speach of the world, if she is otherways sufficiently convinced of the attachment
and affections of her partner. I write from a Sense of the feelings which under similar
circumstances would harrow up my Soul, and wound with a Bearded Arrow. I have but a very small
personal acquaintance with the Lady whom I esteem and commisirate, those who have speak highly
of her. I have as little personal acquaintance with the Gentleman connected with her; but it
has so happened that I have stood in need of his services, and he has exhibited an assiduity
and Friendship in the discharge of them that has bound me to him in the bond of Friendship.
Add to this he is the particular Friend and correspondent of him who is dearest to me and for
whose sake alone I should Esteem him, but it would mortify me not a little to find I had
mistaken a character and in the room of a philosopher, a man of the world appeard. If I could
credit the report [ , Start insertion, remainder missing , End, ]